Are you ready to Choose Courage, Find Joy, and Make Your Next Move?
We’ve made it through the end of December.
Let’s celebrate!
(No, really. C-E-L-E-B-R-A-T-E. Pop open the bubbly. We made it!)
2020 has run its course and we have embarked on a new one.
Last year has shown us all that there are things in life that happen to us that are beyond our control. Things like global pandemics, or armed robberies, or car crashes… Some of us already knew this. Others learned it for the very first time.
It’s easy to feel that last year took from us — and it’s not that it didn’t. But, if we get stuck in this place, ruminating on what was lost, what didn’t happen, and how painful it all was, it can be a descent into a darkness that leaves us joyless and helpless to make our next move.
I’m not saying don’t feel the feels (and I’m about to go into that pretty soon). I’m saying let’s feel empowered by our “what’s next” instead of being stuck in or owned by the “what’s not.”
Because after those singular events or moments (the ones beyond our control) pass, it is up to us to decide how we respond. It’s up to us to decide what we do next.
What we do next is not dictated by anyone or anything else. It is chosen by us.
We have the power over our next move. We decide what we are going to do with what we’ve been handed. We can choose courage and joy. We can and we must because we may not get tomorrow.
While I believe the Universe always conspires to help us, we can’t sit around waiting for the things we want to happen to us. We have to seize it. We have to decide our next step and take it. And if that has you all twisted in knots… Feel the fear. Puke your glitter. And take the step anyway.
And if you’re saying, “But what step? What do I do? How do I do it?”
That’s where I come in. Here are my 7 steps to choose courage, find joy, and make your next move.
STEP 1: ALLOW YOURSELF TO FEEL THE EMOTIONS
We are just getting through the final moments of the year. We may be tired and weary. We feel helpless.
I remember these same feelings — as if some unknown hand is dragging us by the hair down some dark path we don’t want to go down but can’t stop. This is what it felt like when I survived two armed robberies. While it seemed the whole world wanted me to suck it up, get over it, and move on, what I learned on my soul-healing journey was this:
In order to find my joy again, I had to first allow myself to feel.
To feel anything and everything that showed up. Because when we don’t honor the emotion, it’s like stuffing food into Tupperware, pushing it to the back of the fridge, and leaving it to get moldy.
When we don’t work through and acknowledge our feelings, they fester and grow toxic inside us, poisoning our perceptions while also becoming harder to release.
No matter what society tells you — feeling the feels isn’t weakness.
STEP 2: LET GO OF “WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN”
I remember at the beginning of my post-traumatic-stress-disorder journey how much I lamented that I wasn’t the old Debbie. I lost vocabulary, articulation, brain functioning, and my ability to hold the whole world on my shoulders. And the more I compared New Deb (who I labeled “Broken Deb”) with Old Deb, the more depressed and disconnected I became.
Until I grieved her and then let her go.
Because I learned there is only what is happening right now and “Who am I?” at this moment. Whatever plan we may have had, it’s not impossible to still get there, but we do need to be realistic about our current situation first.
Only when we are realistic about where we are now, can we determine our next move to get to where we want to go. Because if our current circumstances have made the original path un-walkable, we need to change course.
Here’s a way to let go of what might have been so you can make space for what is right now. I call it Write and Burn.
Write down whatever you believed, thought, wanted (pre-pandemic).
Then burn it.
Literally.
Take a match to it. Cook it on the stove. Roll it up and smoke it. Whatever.
(Just be safe. If you burn down the house, it’s not my fault, k?)
In the burning, you are releasing what you thought was “supposed to be” so you can make room for what “can be.”
Your dream or goal can still be possible, but you may have to adjust the path.
STEP 3: IDENTIFY & CHALLENGE THE MENTAL GREMLINS
Our mind loves to play both sides. In one breath it will tell us “You know what you want; you can get it.” In the next, it will whisper “You’re not enough; you haven’t blah blah blah… (fill in the blank).”
When your inner critic starts to say things like the latter, push back on those ideas.
Why am I not allowed to have that thing I want? Why do I need to do ‘x’ in order to achieve ‘y’? Why does it matter how that other person does it?
You may come to realize that when you start to listen to that one limiting belief or thought, you’re losing sight of the forest because you’re focused only on that one tree. So identify “the tree,” challenge it, and step back so you can see the whole picture.
STEP 4: CLAIM GRACE
Anything you set out to do that you have never done before will mean there will be times you mess up. When we don’t give ourselves grace for making mistakes, we put ourselves back in the mental gremlin space, believing we can’t or shouldn’t do something. It’s okay to not get it quite right. It’s okay to get mixed up or go off in the wrong direction for a bit.
Just like kids learning to walk, you can’t do it without falling sometimes.
The only way to get through the forest is to put the energy into each next step rather than getting hung up on putting energy into beating ourselves up for what didn’t work out or what didn’t happen or what we failed to do. Give yourself grace along the journey.
How? Lots and lots (and lots) of practice. You gotta choose it and then keep choosing it — even if grace feels wrong or uncomfortable.
STEP 5: LEAN INTO YOUR POWER POSSE
This one is short and sweet but not always as easy as it sounds if we aren’t used to leaning on others. Turn to your peers, coaches, mentors, and friends for help and support.
Find the people who won’t fight you but free you.
Rely on them to help you on your journey. To remind you of your gifts, your resilience, your strength. To offer you the objective point of view when you can no longer see the clearing up head.
STEP 6: CHOOSE YOUR DREAMS
It is never too late to go after your dreams. It is never too late to decide they are worthy. And it’s sure-as-shit not too late to claim your magic, magnificence, and light.
Each new day is a new chance to start fresh. Each new year offers more days to set off on your journey. You may not get a tomorrow. So make today count. Choose YOU and YOUR DREAMS. Nobody else can choose them for you.
Nobody else gets to decide if your dreams are worthy or valuable or worth pursuing or even worth sacrificing for.
(Not suffering… sacrificing… because sometimes our big dreams require intentional tradeoffs. It doesn’t have to be a bad thing.) You get to decide if your dreams are worth that. Claim them. Then make your first move.
STEP 7: LIVE, LEAD, REPEAT
Living means going about your day authentically and unapologetically, according to your rules and your design. It’s not about getting it perfect and it’s definitely not about living up to someone else’s ideas or expectations.
Living is not about being free of failure or mistakes but being filled with what sets your soul on fire alongside all the rest that’s happening in the world around you.
And leading? Leading doesn’t have to mean standing in front of the room, speaking to crowds. It doesn’t have to mean being a C-Suite member of your business. It doesn’t require you to spearhead movements. You can lead your families and friends by example, by being yourself, by choosing your joy so you can show them how to choose theirs.
SO, HOW WILL YOU CHOOSE COURAGE, FIND JOY, AND MAKE YOUR NEXT MOVE?
How will you approach this next year? (And I’m not talking about that damn word ‘resolutions’ that will inevitably get tossed to the side after a four-week attempt.) I’m talking about what commitment are you going to make to yourself about your life and the way you want to lead it?
Because if nothing else, 2020 taught us that we can’t do things the way they always have been done, and sometimes there are no hard set rules to follow.
You have to choose your own path. Your own way of doing, being, and showing up.
It’s time to find solid ground on who you are so that no matter what happens in this year or the next, you have everything you need to stand strong and weather the storm.
No matter what — commit 2021 to being a year that is all about you. It will be the best time you ever spent, the most valuable investment you’ve ever made, and the greatest gift you’ve ever received.
Take these next couple weeks to really think about it — an entire year focused on creating a life of
Your.
Own.
Design.
Will you do the inner work to finally accomplish your dreams? Will you choose courage, find joy, and make your next move to make your dreams come true?
The treasures inside you are hoping you will say yes.
